Breast Cancer Diagnosis: Part II

Pre Biopsy

The surgical oncologist I had just met was talking me through what was about to happen. She’d use a topical anesthetic so I would feel pressure, but no pain. Guided by an ultrasound she’d find the mass and take a few samples. Quick and easy. Except it wasn’t.

I was lying awkwardly on my side with a surgical mask on (hospital COVID policy). I was terrified. Not of the biopsy, but of what the biopsy might reveal. I started to get hot. I had been too anxious to eat much that day and I was starting to get light headed. The oncologist took the first sample. It burned and was unimaginably painful. She was incredulous. Surely it had just felt like a lot of pressure, right? No. It was a seething, unrelenting pain. She hadn’t waited long enough for the local anesthetic to kick in and I felt everything.

She took 4 more samples of the mass in my breast and then took 4 from my lymph node. I hated every moment. Everything hurt and I was scared. Alone, patched up with surgical tape, trying to bring my heart rate down and breathe normally again.

Post Biopsy

She had used the word tumor with me. It made sense, intellectually, but it was so hard to hear. Another step into a reality I wanted no part of. I felt like I was on a train that was moving and I was powerless to stop it. Eventually I would get the results of the biopsy -- and I couldn’t control or hide from the outcome.

And so I went home to wait. Bruised, puffy eyed, and defeated.